In-laws

Tonight, I took the kids to my in-laws. They hadn’t seen them in a while and asked if they could spend the night. Stephen had to work so I took them out there. I hadn’t planned on staying too long. I was going to drop them off come home, soak in the bathtub, lounge around-you get the idea. But my mother-in-law and I started talking and we just fell into conversation. We usually do, but tonight I really enjoyed it. And to be honest the more I thought about the more I didn’t want to come home to an empty house, the dogs are here but sometimes that’s just not the same.

I didn’t really think much of it until I was on the way home. I have thought about this before, but I have an amazing relationship with my in-laws. It has been so easy since day one. I remember how welcoming they were. How they opened their arms and their home to me. I didn’t live at home when I met my husband, so getting invited almost every night to a home cooked meal was incredible. My MIL  and I instantly hit it off because we had at least one thing in common at the time-running. One of our (my husband and I’s) first few dates was a 24 hour run. I loved getting invited to go running with her and her group of friends and my sister-in-laws.  

I know there a lot of people out there who don’t have the best relationships with their in-laws. Who can’t be with them if their spouse isn’t with them. I am so thankful for the relationship we have. That I can go over there and hang out with them for hours and my husband not have to be there. I am thankful that we are able to go running together and carry on easy conversation. I know I am not her child, but she treats me like her own. I am thankful that I can be around them and that I enjoy it. The old saying when you marry someone, you marry the family. I think some of that is true. And I’m ok with it. I feel blessed to have gotten the in-laws I did.

The Biggest Loser.

I was reading and watching, catching up on the news as I really don’t get to watch TV all that much anymore. All over it was about Rachel from The Biggest Loser, who just won. A show that is about losing weight (obviously). But now they are bashing Rachel for losing TOO much weight. Throwing around words like anorexia. I’m sorry, but coming from someone who has been there, done that, that is NOT a word you throw around loosely. She went in weighing 260 pounds and lost 155, she lost 59.62% of her body weight. There are so many comments about how sickly she looks and how she is unhealthy and on and on and on. I highly doubt any of these comments are coming from people who know Rachel on a personal level, who are with her on a daily basis. It infuriates me to read such comments. You don’t know her, you don’t see what she eats every day and you don’t know what type of exercise or how much she is doing. What gives people the right to comment on how skinny she is? You wouldn't tell someone they were too fat, would you? Why does it make it ok when you are talking about someone being too skinny? When I was at my smallest, I had people tell me I was too thin and it hurt to hear that-whether it was true or not, it hurt. Or "Go eat a cheeseburger". You wouldn't say "go eat some celery" to an overweight person would you? I just don't understand why people think it's ok to put down others regardless: skinny, overweight, tall, short, blind, deaf, black, purple or white. We all have feelings that get hurt.

If you can’t tell, this is something that just gets under my skin. There is no difference in criticizing someone for being too fat or too skinny. There’s none. Skinny people have feelings too.

We don’t know if she lost all of the weight in an unhealthy manner. We can’t be so quick to judge and to jump on the anorexia blaming bandwagon. We are in NO place to judge anyone. I don’t think anyone would want to be treated the way she is being treated and talked about.

Just think before speak. Know the facts before you speak. 

Our family of 5 will be complete

Last week, I read another mom’s blog about The Ache. In Which I am Learning To Live With The Ache. by Sarah Bessey and I love her for it. I agree with everything she wrote 100%. http://www.mops.org/in-which-i-am-learning-to-live-with-the-ache

My husband and I have been talking for several weeks now about not having any more children. Baby C will be our last baby. The thought of it makes me hurt sometimes. Putting it down on paper, makes me feel so guilty. But then again, we know it is what is best for our family. Like Sarah said, the thought of never carrying a child within me, never nursing a sweet baby (of course after Baby C is done breastfeeding), never smelling the sweet smell only a newborn has, the ever so cute gummy smiles (my absolute favorite), those sleepless nights, a newborn falling asleep on your chest because that is the only way he or she will sleep well, getting up multiple times a night to feed, all of these things and SO many more, I will truly miss. Yes, even those sleepless nights. I love being pregnant, feeling the kicks and punches from the inside, being so uncomfortable you are just ready to get the baby out of you feeling will forever be missed. It brings tears to my eyes that these will be the last of the newborn treasures. BUT I cherish all of the milestones our children have hit and look forward to all of the future ones. It is so incredibly bittersweet. I absolutely love watching my children grow and become more independent. We are able to carry on a conversation with our oldest and it feels like yesterday she fit perfectly in my arms or on my chest. I love the age my two now are at, but I miss them being babies, needing their mommy 24/7. We both look forward to starting a new “journey” in our life. No more babies for us. Our family of 5 will be complete.

A part of me feels selfish for doing this. But we talked and we would be selfish if we had more. All you moms and dads know just how expensive children are and heaven knows we are not wealthy. Stopping at 3 is just what is best. We know we will be able to provide a better life for the 3 of them. I know one doesn't seem to make much difference, but it really does.

Another reason I feel selfish and guilty is because I am so ready to have my body back. Like I said before I love being pregnant, it brings on a different feel of sexy, but I have been pregnant for about 28 months in the last 4 years (48 months) 2010-2014. Yes, I know we did this all on our own. But it has been a repeating cycle: pregnant, breastfeed, get pregnant, breastfeed, etc, etc. I want to enjoy my body. I want to work hard for my body and my muscles and be able to keep them. My favorite thing to do (besides spending time with my family) is to run and work out. Don’t get me wrong I have still been doing that during this pregnancy but it is just not the same when you’re pregnant. Sometimes I feel like all of my hard work is for nothing. I see little improvement in my legs and arms and I know I am healthy and fit (for a preggo) but I want to see my ab muscles, the definition, feel the burn from an amazing workout, and the soreness the next two days, the accomplishment of completing an intense workout because let's face it at 36 weeks pregnant your workouts are not extremely strenuous. I want to get lean and fit and stay that way. I want to be able to train for races and not have to worry about getting pregnant (it has happened twice so far). I want to work towards a six pack that I have never had before. I want to be fitter than I ever have been in my life. There are so many things I want to do and accomplish, mark of my list that I really haven't been able to do with three back to back pregnancies. My husband told me I wasn't being selfish for thinking this way and I try to tell myself I’m not. But that little bit of doubt is just eating away at me. I hope one day I’ll be able to see it differently.

We know this is what our family needs. I just hope The Ache will one day get easier.